Friday, November 16, 2012

An Angel and some Baby Names

Well, the other day the Marine and I were at our first appointment at the NIH, and the lady was asking about baby names. I of course told her my two names (to be mentioned much later). It seems like the Marine is totally onboard with the girl name, but not so much with the boy name I'd picked. I absolutely adore every name I'd picked. I think we spent most of the day arguing about it, but it was so much fun, and so sweet to even think about it again. But, on another note, we headed to Tyson's Mall after our appointment with the high risk OBGYN today. We went into the Christmas store and bought a few ornaments. We got one for each of us, we picked one up for the dogs, and we picked one up for our little Angel in heaven, Audrey. It's been three years since we lost her, and this is the first time we're actually doing something in her honor. It's not that we haven't wanted to before, but it's been so hard. We love her and we miss her all the time. It hit us both really hard, but at the same time, she had a reason for coming into our lives when she did. It's just really sad that she's not still here. She's our angel. R.I.P. baby girl. We love you.

So, I'm a National Case Study....

With everything that's been going on with my body, my doctor at the Naval Hospital decided to send me to the NIH to see if there's any experimental thing that they think would help me out. So far, I'm just in the blood work phase, but when we move past it, they're going to start studying me. Just a recap: From 1999 until 2011, I've had about 15 miscarriages. Yep. 15. The Marine and I have decided to try an IUI cycle, but we're in disagreement as to WHEN we should do it. I want to do it in the next month or two. He wants to wait until the spring. He only wants to wait because he's terrified that I'll get sick and lose another baby. I can't say that I blame him. I'm afraid too, but I figure we'll give it a try now, and if it doesn't work, we'll continue with our plans for next summer. Here's to hoping............

Saturday, November 10, 2012

It Hurts Like Hell!!

I had a tooth pulled on Wednesday and it hurts like hell. I swear, next time I need an extraction, I'm going to one of those dentists that knock you out first! This lady didn't numb me enough before she started drilling and tugging. Then, she couldn't get it out so she kept pausing to take x-rays. It was so frustrating. Then she finally numbed me too much and my whole face was swollen, not to mention the intense headache I got on my right side from being filled with too much liquid. My ear is still draining and three days later it still hurts like hell! On a better note: The Marine's been taking care of me. He finds it weird that he'll walk into a room and find me in different positions and sometimes laid out on the floor in nothing but underwear and a heating pad on my face. Still, he'll set out dinner, open my pain meds, and make sure I'm not dead before returning to his corner of the house. It's all very sweet and I love him for it.

Cruise to Nowhere

So, last week the hubby texts me about a $100 cruise to Nowhere leaving out of Baltimore. He gets me all excited about it and so I immediately start looking into it. Of course I'm on the phone with my good friend D.C. when I get the text so I'm telling her about it while I research. Finally, we decide that we want to go, but we want others to go too. So we start texting people while we plan it out. In the end, it's me, the Marine, D.C. and her hubby C.C., and my sister M.G. and her on again off again boyfriend L.H and his daughter, little L.H. Everything started off all well and good. We packed and picked up our friends and headed for the ship on Friday afternoon. We get there, check in, and head to our rooms. Everything's still all well and good until we decide that we're hungry and head up to the Lido deck for lunch. All hell breaks loose, and so does my tooth! As soon as I bite into my hotdog, I'm fighting back the tears. Luckily, we're still in port and my sister is way behind, so I text her and ask her to bring some pain meds when she comes. And..... SHE DOES! M.G. comes aboard with a big magic bottle of Aleive and it helps so much along with the hot tea and hot chocolate. So, thanks to her, I'm not completely miserable on this weekend cruise. We have fun though. We drink, we gamble, and some of us have dinner together in different intervals. The Marine and L.H. spent an afternoon in the sports bar drinking and watching the game, and then D.C. begged him to take her hubby up there so that she can have a few minutes alone. Later on, me and M.G. were hanging out talking on the Lido deck where we met up with D.C and C.C. and we sat and talked for hours about life and family and our plans for the holidays. It was really fun, but I wish we had more time to sit back and enjoy it. I mean, the service was horrible and I let Carnival know that I didn't appreciate it, but hanging out with friends and family is always great!

Monday, October 29, 2012

A Hurricane's A Comin!!

This song was playing in my head yesterday when we were prepping for the hurricane and I almost set the house on fire. I was doing a hundred things at once and I foolishly turned my back on the grease I had in a pot and it caught fire. Of course I had my own Sims moment where I just pointed at it and danced around. Good thing my Marine was home. He smothered it and put it out. He saved the day!

On another note, we're getting ready to sit through Hurricane Sandy, and we've already sent word out that we'll have game night by candlelight with our friends if the power goes out. So far, we have a few takers so we'll be camping out in the living room and playing games, and probably cooking out when the storm passes.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

To Tree or Not to Tree? That is the Question....

It has become tradition in our house to set up the Christmas Tree on November 1st. This way, we can have the holiday spirit in our house just a little longer before taking it down by January 2nd. But this year, I'm not sure if I even want a tree. The hubby asked why, and I had to tell him that I'm not in the spirit for one this year, and if it doesn't go up on November 1st, then it's not going up at all. So, the only question now is if I'm going to be in the mood. I guess we'll see.

Monday, October 15, 2012

The Paranormal vs Bunny Rabbits

Well, the hubby officially thinks I'm a freak. The neighbor's rabbit got out of their yard and hid underneath my car. I was all set to just leave him there, but nope, the hubby wanted to get him out. He asked for my help, and I was willing to do it to an extent. I stood on one side of my car to help block the rabbit, while he tried to scare it out of the other side. What happens then? It gets out where neither of us are looking. Then, knowing that I'm terrified of only two things, he tells me, "The rabbit is sitting right next to you." So of course I jump and scream a little and try to shake it off. He swears that I have to be the only person who'd deathly afraid of bunny rabbits and butterflies, and he doesn't understand how this could be when I can watch scary movies for days and not blink. I guess I am a freak!

Saturday, October 13, 2012

What the Hell. It's Saturday......

I don't know what it is, but the days always seem longer when my Marine is gone. He left for West Virginia tody to go to Haper's Ferry or something to do an adventure. I figured I'd have a productive day. Clean, write, watch a movie, and sped some quality time with the fur babies. Well, no. I slept a few extra hours, straightened up a little, and maybe wrote a paragraph towards my book. I talked on the phone with my mother, and I fretted a little about how I'm wasting my life and my Saturday is so boring. The thing is, I was invited to go on a spontaneous road trip to PA to a haunted house. To know me, is to know that I LOVE anything paranormal. But with money being so tight in the house right now, I couldn't go. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "He's in Harper's Ferry having fun and you're sitting at home bored to death, making sure his football game is being recorded so he can watch later?" Yes. I am. Despite what my husband says, I'm a damn good wife, and he's lucky to have me. I do a good majority of things in this house and he'd be lost without me. That being said, I do things outside of my domain as well. I already have plans with a couple of girlfriends to check out the new P.F. Chang's that just opened up around the corner. We're also going to check out a few of the stores. But, I digress.... My point is.... I'm bored. And I wouldn't be if I wasn't such a procrastinator, I guess. I have a million things to do, and I had every opportunity to do them today, but yet, I'm blogging about what I should be doing instead of doing it. Priorities are all screwed up today. But what the hell, it's Saturday.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

The Military Lifestyle....

Before I head out for the afternoon, I just wanted to say something about the military lifestyle that only military families seem to understand..... IT'S HARD!!! Deployments, deaths, moving around a lot, trying to find a job, balancing out a marriage and a family when your spouse is off fighting a war.... It's just hard. And all people see from the outside is the glamorous parts: Marine Corps Balls with ball gowns and Dress Blues, homecomings with joyous reunions, high paychecks and big bonuses..... HOLD ON! I know most of you military people are like, "Did she just say high paychecks and big bonuses?".... Yep. I did! For some reason, people (including politicians) seem to think that our military members get paid more than they do. Maybe the politicians think that because they hang around Colin Powell or some shit that every other member makes his kind of money.... Well, Colin Powell will let you know that he didn't get rich in the military. He got rich afterwards. But, I digress..... There is one really big positive that I absolutely LOVE about the military lifestyle, and that's my extended family. I don't have any biological children yet, but I have a beautiful godson, and lots of other kids that call me Aunty besides my own nieces and nephews. I have a lot of surrogate brothers and sisters, and I even have a 2nd hubby! Once you make that connection with someone, they become your family. They understand what you've gone through or what you're going through. They understand the military lifestyle and they bond with you over it. I have such good friends, and I love them all. Each and every one of my friends know about my fertility struggles. It's something that I'm very open about now. And each and every one of them are encouraging me, and listens when I cry or I'm upset. I even have spouses that I haven't even met in person writing me and sending me loving words. I'm hoping that one day we come face to face and I'm able to give them a heartfelt hug. Even though there's some things that really piss me off, and some people in this lifestyle that I just want to kick in the face, I have to thank God for those who are still in my life.... And I hope to see all of them (and I do mean EVERYBODY) at my anniversary party in 2015!

It's not so much Writer's Block as it is Performance Anxiety....

My parents, my siblings, my in-laws, and my book club ALL ask me why I'm not churning out the hits. Most of them have read snippets of my writing and fell in love. My mini-me, LOVED my teen novella as well as a few teens in my book club. And they all want to know why I'm just sitting on my talent. Well..... I'm nervous. Writing isn't easy, and I see how people will tear down someone else's hard work. Hell, I've done it myself! I have over 200 unfinished stories in my little vault. Each day, a million ideas float into my head. Each night, a character from one of my stories speaks to me. I sound crazy, huh? Well, the best writers are all a little nuts! One day soon, I'm going to put something out there that's going to blow the world away. J.K. Rowling and J.R. Ward are my inspiration. I love them both. I don't know them, but J.K. has a brilliant mind, and J.R. seems cool as hell on her FB page, and I'm in LOVE with her Black Dagger Brotherhood series. It's just HOT! I just have a little performance anxiety happening right now, but soon, I'm going to find a way over it and blow everyone's mind, having them hooked on a story that they'll be sad to see end. Now, to go and sulk somewhere while I figure out how to climb out of this hole.... *An Update* Well, apparently, I'm not the only one who was thinking about this yesterday. My mom was telling me this morning that she was talking to my older brother and he says that I need to stop looking for a job and start writing and building up my talent. Even my husband asks when I'm going to finish one. They think I'm soooo talented and I'm wasting my potential. I agree. I just need to get busy!

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Just a few more things.....

While I'm opening up and writing this blog, I guess I should clarify a few things now before people get really confused later. First.... I seem to be freakishly obsessed with vampires, scary movies, and the occult. I freak out my husband sometimes with it. Second.... I'm an aspiring writer, and guess what I write about! Third..... When referring to my Mini-Me, I'm talking about my niece. Fourth.... Yes. I do call my husband an asshole. And he responds too! Fifth..... No matter how much I rant about my nephew, Jr., and say he's the spawn of the devil himself, I LOVE that kid, and I'd protect him with my life. And Sixth..... I don't care what my sister says. Yes, I AM Michael Jackson's widow!

My Newest Obsession.....

I've been obsessed with Miguel for awhile now. I don't give a damn what he says, he reminds me so much of Prince with his style and his music. Not in voice, but in almost everything else. He should take it as a compliment. Prince is a freaking musical GENIUS! Of course, neither of them are Michael Jackson, and MJ is my first real love..... Sigh, I miss the hits. No song in the world can ever compare to Human Nature. But Adorn has caught my attention, and Do You reeled me in.

Just Me.....

Well, first I thought I'd give a quick rundown of my life so far....... Well, that about covers it! No, but really, I must say that the life of a military wife can either be really exciting or really boring. It depends on how you take the lifestyle. Me, well, I'm a military brat from birth, so I've been taking it all my life. Both of my parents were in the army, most of my siblings joined the military, and I married a Marine. Last week we celebrated 12 years of marriage. Well, not really celebrated. We bought movies, ate pasta, and sat on the couch all day. I guess that's what happens when you're in your 30's and don't feel like going out and making a big hoopla. Or maybe we're just old. My husband and I come from two different walks of life. As I've said, I'm a military brat and I've been traveling the globe since before the umbilical cord was cut. My husband on the other hand.... I don't know. He thinks I'm a bitch if laugh at his upbringing. Let's just put it this way: I had a lot of toys and he didn't. Sometimes he likes to put me in my place for demanding to have certain thing when he didn't have any of it growing up. And sometimes I'm humbled by it, and sometimes I remind him that he married a friggin PRINCESS! I do have to say that these last 12 years together have changed me. Him, not so much. Lately I've been looking back at my life and our marriage and I see a lot of good and a lot of bad. I see the mistakes, and I see those things we've done perfectly together. The one thing I really regret is not pushing for medical testing a lot sooner. Not that it would have made any difference, but I feel like I would have come to this point a lot sooner if I had. We want babies. Lots of them. I didn't grow up in a big family, but I've always wanted one. The Marine grew up in a large family, so he's always expected that someday he'd have one. That's something we both have in common. We want a big family. So, why don't we have one? Well, we've tried. A million times over we've tried. And failed. And failed again. And again. It kills us that it hasn't happened yet, but we're pushing forward with hopes that one day soon, we'll at least be a family of 3 + 2 furbabies. Why not adopt? We're willing to do it, but it's extremely hard to do so with the military lifestyle. Not only that, but there's a lot of emotional and financial factors that go into taking in a child that's not biologically your own. We both want to, but we need to first come together to figure out how we're going to make it work. Especially if I don't find a job and he starts getting deployed again. Hopefully we make it happen, and soon! I don't want to start filling up my house with kids when I'm in my 40's. And speaking of, I NEED house! Right now we're in yet another rental in suburgatory. The Marine is stationed at Quantico MCB, so we're in Woodbridge, about 10 minutes from there. Don't get me wrong, this townhouse is really REALLY nice, but I need a house. We're in 3 bedrooms with a spacious basement and we're crowded. What are we going to do with kids right now! LoL! I'm telling you, if/when we have kids, I'm going to need at least a 6 bedroom house with a game room and a media room, and a 4 car garage..... Texas, here we come! We've already found that if we go to Texas, then we can get everything on our wishlist, plus a lot of land for cheap. So, here's to hoping. And for those who didn't know, that's where we got married! Anyway, I have to get started on dinner. As you'll see in some of my upcoming blogs, my man hates to wait for food....